Ok so Michael my missionary came home on April 2nd and I didn't get a call from him. No big deal though even if it hurt, after all the first day is for family right? Friday nothing, saturday morning I see him online on facebook so I decide enough of this waiting for him to make the first move if I did that I'd propably go crazy from wondering. So I asked him straight out "do you still care about me?" and he said I do still care about you but only as a friend nothing more. Ok ouch! I cried it sucks I had such dreams of what it would be like with him wen he got home and I really wanted to get married. After only about 20 minutes at most though I was feeling quite alright and at least I felt happy to finally know and so I could stop dreading and day dreaming. It's not as hard as I thought it would be after all I've been with out him for 2 years so why not forever. I think I was to excited about the idea of him and I really didn't want to have to think about what I would do if he didn't want to marry me, now I have to plan out where my life is going again which can be scary. It was so much easier imagining being a happy wife and stay at home mom while my hubby goes to work. My heart just wasn't all in the right place, in my defence I really did love him and I wanted to love him again but alas it was not ment to be. I'm really not looking forward to going back to school  especially the math classes *shudders* but I've decided to go to school to be a teacher. I've been subbing for 5 years why not teach and get paid more right :) I'm an officially free woman, so look out world here I come!

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: I Don't Care - Delta Goodrem

Well I was officially informed that I've lost my scholarship at the ATC. I didn't keep up the required attendance. While I'm actually kind of glad that I lost it because now I can drop out with out feeling like I'm wasting a scholarship. I am kind of annoyed at how  anal they are about my hours though. In october I missed to many hours it's true but in November  I had school 28 hours total so to keep my scholarship I needed to attand 80% of that with the math that ment I could miss 5.6 hours, well you can't really miss .6 of an hours so i wound up missing 6 hours of my scheduled time and that was it scholarship lost. Very annoying that they don't round up or somthing. Any ways like i said its annoying but I'm actually kind of glad. I'll go drop out next week so i don't have to start paying again. I'll just work more, I need more money anyways my savings are depleted. The happy note is I bought a laptop (hence the empty savings account) it should be arriving by FedEx on friday :) happiness (i bought the one you suggested steph)

Current Mood: annoyed

So I'm back in school to improve myself while I continue job hunting. On a good note I applied for a scholarship and got one that will pay my tuition for 9 months yay! one less thing to drain my saving  more. The bummer thing is that they have  attendance and progress requirements. Attendance isn't so bad I just have to not be so lazy but for the first time the progress is the problem. Last time I was going so fast meeting the requirement was no problem at all. The only media prgram that I hadn't done yet was 3D animation so that's what I'm doing and man it is hard! It's kicking my butt I'll be lucky if I can manage to keep my scholarship with how slow I'm going. Ah and now my project (that I spent all freaking day on) has finished rendering so I must go back to work.

Current Mood: anxious

I have decided to vent even if it is to my one and only reader (thank you Steph) though if I actually wanted more readers I know plenty of people who would be happy to read my rare post but this site is pretty much just for me not for updates of my life for all my friends. In fact knowing that no one who I will see me or will be judging, not like how I talk about certain people at time ect... makes feel much more free about my venting. Now onward with my #!@* happens, Aug 4th (ya this is quite late) I was laid off at work this sucked for so many reasons. For one thing it was completely unexpected I had no idea what so ever that it was coming. As far as I knew things were good they had just hired 2 new Graphic Designers after all and we were expanding what we did quite a bit. Which of course brings me to reason number two of suckiness. THEY JUST HIRED TWO NEW DESIGNERS!!!  I knew I was the least expierenced of all us I was certainly the worst with code and website stuff but I had improved a ton since I started and I felt I was getting there, apparantly not fast enough though. When I was told that the position I was in was no longer needed I was very unhappy. It is true that the projects I was origanally hired for were no longer being done but I had been on some big clients sites for months now. While I didn't do everything on them I did quite a bit and the programmers did  the really confusing stuff they are supose to be in charge of any way. Reason three, some friends of mine are going to Europe for a month next summer and I've been saving ever since I started that job and in just 6 monhts I'd saved $2,000 now I'm unemployed and very reluctant to take another job that I hate while waiting to find another graphic Design which are not thick on the ground and they all want graphic designers who do web design so I slowly use my savings to pay the bills. After a family get together with my relatives through various conversations my job skills came up and I was informed by my uncle that I was not marketable if I didn't have alot of knowledge in web design ouch way to be blunt (why don't you just give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it). So now I'm getting ready to go back to school which since I'll have to take some lower paying job and not many hours I'll have to use more of my savings to pay for my bills and tuition. Looks like me buying my new car wasn't a good idea but how was I to know I would get fired, I've never been fired before and I've never been the weekest link at work. Everywhere I've worked I have always been the best worker, the loved one they would take back in a second. *sigh* #@!* Happens!

Current Mood: pissed off

I'm so bored! I'm at work and while I do have some little stuff to do it's nothing with any kind of deadline nor is it anything interesting. The fact that its pioneer day a holiday and the guy I think I might be dating is off partying and I couldn't go because of work is making it drag on FOREVER. The guy situation is kind of funny. for more than a year I've gone on quite a few first dates and almost no 2nd ones. Haven't met a guy that I could stand to be with for more than an hour or two if that. Which is funny because Jamis McPheeters (it's Scottish) came along quite unexpectedly and looking at him you would never think we'd get along so well. He was a total jock in high school soccer football and basketball (of the high school that was my high schools rival at that) he's a fire fighter rides a motorcycle and owns a lifted decked out off roading jeep yet miracle upon miracle we really seem to get along he does have a nerdy side as well or it would never work. He likes video games and he likes to read he has a huge music library with quite a variety that so far hasn't been anything I didn't like. The funny thing is despite how flirty he is he's quite the innocent at 21 he's only kissed 2 girls the first one not until he was 19 and he dated both of them at least a month before he kissed them. What a rare thing that is. We have been hanging out alot the last week but I have no idea if we are dating or if I'm just a girl he's hanging out with for fun. Obviously he likes me he wouldn't waste time on me if he didn't but I have no idea how much. It's a puzzle but a fun one :D I'm fully enjoying myself, Ive always hated those girls that can't be happy unless they are dating someone and I am certainly not like that but it is true that having some kind of (good)relationship makes my life seem a little brighter. The this is pretty pointless stuff to share the venting helps me keep perspective and helps with the boredom a little.

Current Mood: bored

The google idea looked funny so I did it.

Rachel needs...your help (sounds like one of those charity things)

Rachel looks like ......she was born with that hat on and a cigar in her hand (hahahaha)

Rachel says...so (because I said so)

 Rachel wants........to teach drama and english (ha ha I think not)

Rachel does......some dog pampering (oooh I've always wanted to pamper a dog)

Rachel Hates...Dogfighters (those mean people should stop fighting the dogs or is it the dogs shoudl stop fighting??)

Rachel loves .....you (I love you and and you and you and you)

Rachel enjoys....a Satay (ummmmmm)

Rachel asks...I sent him to marry you and this is the thanks I get? (my match making skills are so unappreciated)

Rachel goes...to prom (no no don't make me go back to high school life)

Rachel likes...to play around with her look (wow that one is actually true)

Rachel eats...wasabi chunk (errr yumm?)

Rachel wears ....Prada (I'm such a snazzy dresser)

Rachel was arrested for .......singing a song about never forgetting the thousands who have died for democracy in Burma (can't a girl even sing anymore) (hee hee hee come buy my dehydrated water just add water)
Rachel was arrested for encouraging people to buy NOTHING (and handing out free samples of NOTHING).

Well that was funny.

Current Mood: amused

OK so my dad has taken a job at Kaysville Middle school, kind of weird to think of him teaching middle school again. I'll be sad to leave this house especially since anywhere we move will be nice but it will have to be smaller because kaysville houses are more expensive than ogden ones. However I'll be a little bit closer to work so that will be nice and every now and then I like going new places and being kind forced to make a new start. I'm hoping that the singles ward I move into will be less clicky than the one I'm in now. The part that really sucks is that I have to keep my room and bathroom looking spotless at all times because we have very little warning  when someone will come look at the house. I hope we sell it soon though the house being clean all the time is nice but still its annoying sometimes and it makes mom even more stressed than normal. That may lessen some though the foster kids are spending a few days in a row with their mother now and july 2 they will be living with their mother all the time and we won' t be there foster family anymore. I'll miss them but I honestly don't think it will last long I'll be happy when things go back to normal without two extra little kids in the house.

 Hey steph do you just check occasionally and see when i've written somthing or do you have somthing telling you that I've posted? I'm just curious. I also have a question for you, what bit torrent sites do you use? I know the Pirate bay one I was just wondering if you knew any others. The reason is I downloaded an Anime which I am absoultly loving but when  I got to the 3rd season I lost the sound! and I've been watching it in English to so there aren't even subtitles to read. So I'm dying to find some place where  I can download that 3rd season in english because the dowloading site I use doesn't have it. :( very sad

I'm a little bummed, I do all my email stuff at work during my break. Not long no more than 20 minutes of wasted time during my 8 hours of work. Sadly though some people have apparently been wasting to much time on Facebook and it has now been blocked. I'm not crushed or anything I'm only on Facebook because I was asked to be by a bunch of people so I do the occasional thing on it and at least have a way to contact a lot of people I know. The sad thing about it is that When I get home I'm ready to veg out watch movies hang out with friends. I like that I've been able to read all my facebook messages in spare moments at work. Alas now that I can no longer do so my facebook notices will stack up Blah! Not a big deal or anything just makes me annoyed at people, my work is pretty nice about things and letting us play a little on the computer so when people abuse the privilage so much that we lose it it seriously annoys me. I'm glad that a lot o people don't use live journal or this would probably get blocked as well.

Current Location: Work/GMA
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Somewhere I belong- Linkin Park

It's a sad thing in a way but I love shopping it puts me in such a great mood, really cheers me up. I've been in the mood to read lately though I don't have much time to so I decided to check out what ebay had of Mercedes Lackey one of my favorite authors. Now I haven't won it yet but I found a great deal 25 books only like 3 of them that i already own and probably another 3 that I don't really want to read but the rest are ones I either haven't read or love and don't mind reading again. In fact for me rereading books is better for me when I'm busy. When I get a good new book I just can't put it down and I wind up spending way to much time reading then I Should have. When I reread I still enjoy the book but since I know what's going to happen i can put it down much easier. The auction still has a few days but it's only at 2 bucks and for 25 books I'd certainly  be willing to go much higher that 2 dollars :) One other book lot auction I'm watching is P. N Elrods Vampire files only 99 cents so far and books 1-6. That leaves me with a question Steph, how many books are in that series? I know you used to have the whole series. Yay for good books makes me happy.

Current Location: Work/GMA
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: I love rock n' roll